'Very dark days:' Jamal Adams bares soul on grisly '22 injury, Jets exit, pursuit of a Lombardi Trophy
He felt on top of the world. Jamal Adams was eager to be a modern-day Namath in NYC. Then, he asked out. Then, his quad tore off his kneecap. For the first time at length, the DB reflects on it all.
ALLEN PARK, Mich. — Six years later, he’s here. He’s a veteran on the Detroit Lions practice squad waiting to get called up for a dozen snaps.
Jamal Adams clenches two fists. Tries to, anyway. The two middle fingers on his left hand can only squeeze so far because each one is fused with metal.
At one point, he pulls up a pant leg to reveal a long scar. This is the product of his quadriceps muscle tearing off his kneecap with the Seattle Seahawks. For three-plus months, his leg was immobilized in a straight brace. He needed ‘round-the-clock care, cried every day and suffered severe depression.
After getting to the other side, he can reflect.
The 29-year-old has experienced more torture than anyone knows. Both mental and physical.
And it’s all a far, far cry from the last time we chatted.
Back in 2018, Adams invited me to his condo on the Hudson River for a piece at Bleacher Report. He was one season into his pro career then.
From the top floor — the clock ticking toward midnight, a Warriors-Rockets playoff game streaming on his phone — Adams had his hair sculpted to perfection by a barber. The entire conversation, he stared at himself in a mirror. Every bold proclamation carried more gravity because Adams could literally see himself say it. He made it clear he wanted to be the face of the New York Jets. A modern-day Joe Namath. He saw the Super Bowl as a real possibility. And he didn’t mince words — Adams said this was a Jets team that had grown too comfortable with losing. Very necessary comments that ruffled feathers.
Adams didn’t cower in the New York City pressure. He reveled in it. The sixth overall pick in the ‘17 draft loved the reality that ALL eyes were on him.
Unfortunately, this Big Apple tale didn’t have a happy ending. Adams couldn’t fix this abomination of a franchise.
Since that night, Adams’ life has turned upside down in ways he never imagined.
On Go Long’s recent trip to Lions Country, catching up again with Adams was a must.
We all exhaust barrels of ink and hours of podcasting celebrating ascending stars in this sport. But what about the stars that abruptly fade? Jamal Adams’ career took sharp, dark turns. He opens up on everything:
Inside the darkness of his rehab from a torn quad. He couldn’t move. He considered retiring. Every single day was a struggle and Adams questioned everything.
Why he wishes he never requested a trade out of New York. Only later did Adams realize how much he was beloved. He shares a message for those fans.
His (very) blunt thoughts on Adam Gase and the Jets organization. Some things never change. He tried warning everyone.
His state of mind today. Adams asked for his release from the Titans in mid-October. He could’ve returned to Seattle. Instead, he’s hoping to help the Lions any way he can.
Chasing a Super Bowl ring with these Lions.
Tonight, the Lions face the San Francisco 49ers in an NFC Championship rematch.
Even if Adams isn’t on the field, he’ll have wisdom to share.
Our full conversation is below.
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This could be a match made in heaven for you.
Adams: Obviously it’s a hell of an opportunity. And being home after asking for a release from Tennessee, I went home and decompressed. Just got away and wanted to clear my mind and make sure that I’m in it for the right reasons and I’m in it to chase my purpose and continue my career. And obviously, I sat at home for a couple of weeks and just trained the whole time.
I forgot it was a long time — 1 1/2 months — between you leaving Tennessee and getting picked up by Detroit.
Adams: It was a while, man. I left during the bye week and basically just came back and it wasn't going well. I wasn’t playing. They weren’t playing me, and I just felt like I was wasting my time. Obviously just wanted to go to a place to where I felt they wanted me to come in and contribute and make an impact. And like I said, I went home. Trained for about 10 weeks. I was sitting down for a while, man. So had a couple opportunities. Had the opportunity to go back to Seattle. I flirted with that a little bit. Didn’t really know if that was the right situation for me to go back to that — after they released me and that whole thing. And so I just sat back. I enjoyed family time. I was around my nieces and nephews and just enjoyed being around them. I obviously haven’t had that time in so long. And obviously got the call (from Detroit) and man, it was a no-brainer for me. I'm like, ‘Man, what an opportunity. An opportunity to chase a ring.’ And that’s what it’s about, man.
Everything you’ve been through in your career, it had to be good to take a break and reset. Mentally, what did that do?
Adams: It cleared a lot of things for me. Needed to get away from my situation of what I was in with Tennessee. It wasn’t really going well. I put a lot of trust into a coach that I thought I could trust and obviously it didn’t go that way. For whatever reason.
Not necessarily promised things. It wasn’t “Cally” (Brian Callahan). It was a guy that drafted me, was part of the draft process. He was my DB coach with the Jets (Steve Jackson) and it just didn’t go how I thought it would. We weren’t seeing eye to eye. I just asked for my release and wanted to move on. So whether that was going to sit home and not having an opportunity and hopefully waiting until next year to get an opportunity, I was willing to do that. But it just so happened Detroit called and why not? This is a hell of an opportunity, a hell of an organization. Great people around and came right in and whatever my role is, I’m going to do it to the best of my ability.
From your perspective, what is the culture here? You’ve seen a not-so-good one in New York — the stories out of there are insane this week. Let’s start with the good. What makes this different with Dan Campbell and Brad Holmes?
Adams: The main thing is everybody’s authentic and everybody has one goal — and that is to win. And you can could feel it. You can see it. Whether that’s training staff, whether that’s upstairs, whether that’s custodians. Everybody wants to win and that’s a special bond and a special thing when you have that in a building. Everybody sees the goal, sees the vision. And that’s what we’re chasing man.
You can’t really pigeonhole Jamal Adams. Are you a linebacker? A safety? The Lions want football players who’ll knock somebody’s head off.
Adams: I can do whatever you want. That’s what it’s about, man. Just being a football player. I’ve always been that way — my whole life. Played both sides of the ball growing up and obviously transitioning to the NFL the more you can do, the more you have better opportunities everywhere. So to me, it didn't matter what my role was. I just wanted to come in and play football.
They know what they're looking for — hungry players. I just talked to Za’Darius Smith. He’s still pissed at how the Packers treated him with his back. You’ve been through the ringer yourself. What’s inside of you that they saw?
Adams: Obviously who I am out on football field. I’m a football player. I’m one speed. I’m fast all the time as far as running to the ball and doing my thing and bringing that attack to the offenses and blitzing off the edge. Any way I can impact the game, I think they saw that. They saw my mindset. They saw what I’ve been through. I got hurt. Tore my quad off my kneecap.
It was bad. Pretty bad.
Adams reveals scar at his locker.
That scar has got to be five or six inches long.
Adams: Yeah, so tore that obviously. And that right there — to bounce back — it took me two years to really get back to moving and grooving and doing what I need to do on the field. I came back in ‘23 and obviously I came back early. I knew I was coming back early, but I knew I had a contract with Seattle and eventually they were probably going to release me. So I had to fight through it and I did. Media tore me up about it: “He's not like himself.” In reality, I knew what I was going through and I knew what I fought back from. I went from a wheelchair. I went from not being able to shit, shower, shave by myself. Getting in and out of bed.
It was tough. I went from the top of the top to the bottom of the bottom and it was very humbling. For me, it was a different perspective. It wasn’t even about football. It was more so about life. I couldn’t sit down like I’m doing right now. I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t do the littlest things that we take for granted as humans. And it was just a different perspective. So I see it totally different now. And I’m grateful for any opportunity I have. I’m really humbled by that and for what I fought through, obviously (the Lions) know about it. To see the mindset — to know somebody fought through that to get out and two years later he’s back to himself and back running around and playing football again. It’s a blessing. Hopefully they see that as my mindset.
I had no idea it was that bad.
Adams: Yeah, it was bad.
What was the lowest low point for you when you can’t even walk, shit, shower or shave?
Adams: Man, the lowest part for me, obviously, was tearing my knee first game. The first game, Russell Wilson comes back in town. Seattle’s lit. It’s on 10. Homefield advantage. Just coming off my best training camp leading in. Feeling good, feeling great. Defense is surrounded by me making plays all over the field, playing linebacker, playing safety, playing anything and everything. Nickel, whatever. And Sean Desai, we had a big plan for me going into that year. The first game of the season, second quarter, I come off a blitz and shit, man, my leg is going left and I’m going right — speed. I grab hold of Russ and he swings me off and throws it away. And it just so happened I get up and my knee buckles. I know it ain’t good. I somehow make it to the sideline based off adrenaline and denial. I get to the sideline and couldn’t walk. A horrible feeling. And then I sit down — still in denial. Trainers come over trying to talk to me and come to the blue tent.
I look down and my kneecap is on the side of my leg. The side of my leg.
Inside or outside?
Adams: Outside. On the outside side of my leg.
Looking at that, what’s going to your mind? It must’ve been horrifying.
Adams: Yeah, it was like a movie. All types of emotions kicked in. A very low moment. Got carted off obviously. And you talk about a low moment when you get surgery and you can’t walk, you can’t provide for yourself, you can’t go get a drink out of the fridge or you can’t go get food or you can’t… it’s the littlest things that we take for granted. I’m telling you. Being in a wheelchair, being in a straight brace for three to four months. My leg is straight for three or four months, and then I’ve got to break the scar tissue down after the 3-4 months. So you talk about pain?
Four months, your left leg was in a brace?
Adams: Yeah, yeah. Any time I took it off to get in the shower, obviously I had to have assistance to get in the shower. But obviously one slip up? (snaps fingers) Boom, it could break on me again and then I’ve got to go back in for surgery.”
Who’s helping you? Who’s getting you through life?
Adams: Oh man, I had all types of people. Family members. Yeah, it was tough.
Like you’re elderly. Like you’re 97 years.
Adams: That’s what it felt like, bro. Sitting on a couch 24/7 watching ball. I didn’t really like to watch ball at the time. Early in my process, I wasn’t watching ball. Just didn’t really. I wanted to get away from it, wanted to escape it. Depression was definitely something I went through. Very dark days. But I always tell people when they’re like, “How did you make it out?” I say, “Obviously my faith through God.” I eventually knew one day I was going to get out of this and I was going to bounce back. But during the time, the dark days really taught me so much. No matter how much support you had — no matter who’s cheering you on — you still have to fight that battle with yourself. And I had to learn that. And when I understood that, I just kept creating goals each and every week. Every day.
What kind of goals each day?
Adams: Shoot, man. Just to be able to walk to that trash can. (Points a few feet in front of him.) Just be able to get up by myself. I had a rope at the time. It was like a belt. And basically, I had to put the belt around my leg, and lift my leg up like this, just to get it down and get up with my crutches. It was a whole thing, man. It was humbling, bro. Very humbling.
Meanwhile, you’re watching football. This thing you can’t have. When you’re depressed — when you're in that dark place — are there tears?
Adams: Man, it was every day. Every day. Every day. There ain’t no doubt. Especially at the beginning. The first two months. Literally. There ain’t no question. You get the whole “Why me?” questions and “Why is this happening to me?” All that. You tap into that and wish it was different. “Maybe I didn’t stretch right?” You always think about all these things after the fact and, hey, I think it was meant for me to go through that. It was a challenge that the man upstairs gave me. It’s easier to say now than when I was really going through it because it was tough. It was really tough. I wasn’t even thinking about football. Football was the last thing on my mind. Eventually I felt like I was going to get back to it. But don’t get me wrong. All types of questions: “Am I going to retire? This is it.” All those things popped in my head.
You thought about retiring?
Adams: Ain’t no doubt, bro. From where I was? It wasn’t good. It wasn’t good. Mentally, I wasn’t in it.
When you’re that depressed, do need to talk to a therapist?
Adams: I definitely had people I talked to. I had my outlets. It was never anything suicidal, but it was really dark. Really dark. Countless days to where I’m going through the same bullshit and just want to walk again. It was the basic fundamentals of it. Being able to walk. Being able to sit. Being able to drive. Being able to go to the kitchen. The smallest things we all do. But I speak for myself — you take it for granted. And you don’t realize until it happens to you. It was a journey.
What was the turning point?
Adams: I started to walk again and I finally got all the scar tissue out of my knee. That was the blessing. Because if you don’t get the range of motion all back, you’ve got to go back in for a second surgery. That was the Catch-22. It’s like, “Man, I’m praying that I don’t have to go back under because that would be two surgeries that I would have to fight through. Thank God I didn’t have to go through that again.
I’m just thinking back to when we’re at your place overlooking Hudson River. We’re talking about you as the Joe Namath of these Jets. You’re on top of the world — “Prez.” Fast forward, and now you can’t even go to the kitchen. It had to have been humbling. Dan Campbell is talking a lot about being humbled and eating the molded bread this week. You ate your share.
Adams: I know all about it. My story, it is a hell of a story. I haven’t spoken about it obviously to a lot of people. I took a lot of heat and obviously leaving New York, I understood that was going to come with it. But me getting hurt, it made it worse because I couldn’t perform. I knew I could perform mentally. I knew what I’ve done always my whole career. Football is easy. I’ve been doing it.
You did it in Seattle, too.
Adams: I did it in Seattle! I broke a record. And I still hold the record. (For the most sacks by a DB in a season — 9.5 in only 12 games.) So I did great things in my career, but man, that perspective just switched my whole mindset on everything. Because I’ve been through the fire, I’ve been through everything you can name. When it comes to NFL, I’ve been through it all.
What was the hardest part of being the face of the team in New York and everything falling apart?
Adams: Yeah, I mean obviously that was tough. I look on it now and — years later — there are still problems. And I hate to see that. Because you expect them to get it right eventually. But I was saying the things that they’re going through right now and I got hit on the head for it. No one really believed what I was saying and what we needed to change. Because I wanted to be in New York, man. That’s where I was drafted. The “Jets” is tatted on my back. That’s my story, man! So I’ve always seen myself being in New York and a part of that culture and changing the Jets around and hopefully getting to the playoffs and hopefully having a run at the “chip.” That was my dream when I got there. But I hated losing so much to where we weren’t getting better. And then the hire of Adam Gase, respectfully, out of all of the guys that were out there to have that job, to hire that one? That was tough.
How bad was Adam Gase?
Adams: It was rough. It was rough. I really think Adam Gase was a great guy. I just think that he wasn’t a leader of men. And that’s OK. Not everybody’s a leader. That wasn’t his role. He didn’t embrace that role. Especially being in New York, man, you’ve got to embrace being a leader of men. You’ve got to understand it’s going to come with a lot of things — the media, everything. You’re in the mecca. C’mon, man. You have to be strong. So I felt like for where we were and what we just let go — Todd Bowles, a guy that drafted me, a guy I had a lot of respect for, maybe not the most outgoing or talkative coach, but a strong-minded coach, a leader of men, a smart coach that would put players in position to be successful. We had that. And honestly, it just didn’t work out for Todd in New York. When he left, that hurt. Obviously, I had my feelings on that. And then they’re hiring Adam Gase. Bringing in Gregg Williams — he was the savior of everything. I love playing for Gregg. There is nothing like playing for Gregg Williams. “G-Dub.” That’s my guy. I just think that everything happened for a reason.
Then, you look at Tampa Bay.
Adams: Go to the Super Bowl. Sometimes, you realize that it’s not always greener on the other side. And obviously I was loved in New York and I didn’t realize how much I was loved until I left. I didn’t know how much impact I really had on New York.
How did you know you had such an impact?
Adams: Fans, I didn’t know I hurt ‘em like that. I didn’t realize I had that much impact. And then obviously the older I got, I started to realize, “Bro, you had it all. You had it all besides the winning. Everything else, you had it all. Anything a player could ask for.” But it didn’t work out for me. I asked for the trade out. And if I look back on it now, I would tell myself, “Don’t make an emotional decision.”
Do you wish you didn’t ask for a trade?
Adams: I do. I do. But again, it happened for a reason. Everything happened for a reason and obviously I asked for a trade and I go to Seattle. I love Seattle. The first couple of years were great. Then the injuries started to pile up and then you’re sacrificing your body. You’re going out there playing with AC sprains and you're going out there playing with groin strains.
You were?
Adams: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you’re playing with finger injuries and things of that nature.
What happened to your finger?
Adams: Dislocations. I got two fused fingers right now. I got metal with my fingers.
He holds his left hand up. His two middle fingers cannot complete squeeze like his other hand.
Look at those fingers. Those are busted.
Adams: That’s all I got. So you talk about a sacrifice, man.
Those 12-4 Seahawks in 2020, your defense in the first half was brutal. The second half, your defense came alive. And then you played the guy standing over there in this locker room (Jared Goff) in the wild card. I remember thinking you guys could go on a run.
Adams: It was crazy how it happened because the quarterback they had in, I hit him and hurt his neck.
John Wolford.
Adams: Yep! J-Goff came in because J-Goff got benched. He came in and goddamn lit our ass up. I was like, “Golly!” I was mad at myself because I’m like, “I wish I never hurt this kid.” We probably would’ve had a better chance because J-Goff was a bad boy.
McVay was making him the scapegoat at that point.
Adams: Exactly! Like he was the problem.
So you couldn’t even hold a fist with that hand.
Adams: No. That’s all I got for you. I got metal in ‘em. So I’ve been dealing with that for a long time — since Seattle. And I’ve had over 10 dislocations — easily. So that’s why I’m saying mentally I’m in a different spot now than what I was through. ‘21 to 23 were dark years for me. Very dark. Outside of the game of football, it was very dark.
Anything else that fed into that darkness?
Adams: When you’re so happy with playing ball and everything’s been going your way for so long, your career has been hot. You got three Pro Bowls, you got All Pros, you got a record.
I remember what brought us together — Tyrann Mathieu. I just asked him, “Who should I talk to?” and he didn’t hesitate: “Jamal Adams.” You were on top of the world, and ascending.
Adams: I was on top, bro. On top. It made me so much stronger outside of the game. And so now I can give my story to young guys, inspire them and tell them to keep going — through anything they’ve been through — because I’ve been through the ringer.
You’re doing it here then? Are talking to young guys all the time?
Adams: If they ask me for sure. But I always just try to keep it low and just handle my job and make sure I’m doing my job to the best of my ability.
What can this team, this defense really do?
Adams: I sure hope we can take it all the way. That’s the plan.
You see those signs, those championship signs?
Adams: Ain’t no doubt. That’s the only thing on my mind. So we’ll see. Hopefully it’s me holding the Lombardi.
You’ll need to grip it with your other hand.
Adams: Yeah, that’s OK! Everything I’ve been through — all them dark days — to hopefully get a ring, that’s what it’s all about. Through all the bullshit I’ve been through, that’s my reward from the man above.
From our trips to Allen Park this season:
The main purpose of sports writing is to take the reader by the hand and lead him into the locker room. Mission Accomplished, Tyler. Again.
Adams was a me-first and selfish player from day one and an awful safety who couldn’t cover. Not surprised he gave interviews while staring at himself in the mirror.
Yes, ‘Blitz Boy’ was great at blitzing the QB but completely lost when he was asked to do anything else.
And man what an awful person. Putting the wife of one of the NY sportswriters on blast on Twitter last year because she is overweight was pretty much right on brand for Adams.